Poor and beautiful

 I would rather be poor and beautiful than rich and ugly.  It is not so much the beauty as it is the money.  Just because I am poor does not mean I will always be poor.  Learning along the way how to juggle life and all of its challenges I can prevail and one day not have to live pay check to pay check.  The beauty part is least important, personally I think even if I was what one would consider beautiful, being the person I am, I would still be able to find something I don't like about myself. 

Combination

A combination of the bright colors and the reptiles brings me back to my last trip to Mexico.  When I close my eyes I can picture myself in Mexico in the art museum filled with similar art work as the blue feather.  If I concentrate hard enough I can smell the salt from the ocean and the sand between my toes.  Though the art work brings me back vacations in Mexico, it is not something I would hang in my living room.

Board Games

My daughter has kind of ruined me on board games.  She wants to play board games all of the time.  The trouble with board games is they are either loud or have missing pieces that mysteriously end up under the bed and eventually get vacuumed up.  The only ones I do enjoy playing are the adult ones.  I usually end up playing at least one game of Yahtzee every weekend, which I end up loosing to my ten year old every time.  I quit playing her memory game a long time ago.  I don't know if I have ever really won a memory game against my daughter.  Now that I have a one year old, that sticks everything in his mouth I am anti board game.  I see a board game an imminently think choking hazard.  Maybe one day many years from now I can learn to love board games again.

In My Opinion

When I was told that for an assignment I was going to be blogging, I was imminently turned off.  Right away I started to find reasons why I wouldn't like it.  It was an difficult for me to be pushed out of my comfort zone and open up to people I did not know.  I guess I am a little hard to warm up to maybe even a little stand offish.  So opening up the door for strangers to know me on a personal level and have the opportunity to respond to my blog post left me feeling uneasy.  I did not want to blog, and even if I did I did not want someone whom I did not know giving me there opinion.
 After a very slow start and much scepticism, I was shocked when I began blogging for the fun of it.  I could not believe I was actually enjoying blogging.  I had done a complete 360 from where I had started. On a positive note, I would say that blogging helped my stress level.  Just like writing in a journal, except with spell check.  Though I did not post all of my blogs, many still remain drafts and probably always will.  It was nice to get things off of my chest.  I believe that the most important exercise that I learned form that had the most positive effect on my writing and helped me with my blogging was a blind free writing exercise.  This shoved me in to free writing the right way. 
I also enjoyed blogging in class, given one word and blogging about it.  Just the thought of  how many different ways one word can mean for different people was exciting.  I thought it was helpful having in class discussions on what we had blogged to get a feel for other opinions.  This opened me up to ideas I had not thought of, that in turn helped me broaden my horizon concerning my thought process.  I completely dropped the ball on blogging everyday.  Not so much impossible to blog daily as it was to post what I was blogging about.
My biggest weakness was making my post the expected length.  For me it was much easier for me to just simply state rather than to stretch something out to what I think as being too far.  In conclusion I had a very positive and meaning full experience and there were so many new things learned from this assignment.  My experience blogging experience is as follows; be more open minded, trust you teachers, go out of my comfort zone, appreciate constructive criticism and last but not least blog until you cant blog any more.   

Blue Fether

The blue feather with white half circle edging and a perfect white tip looking as if you could dip it in ink and write a story about feathers with it.  As the unique feather falls gracefully from the sky, slow and delicately wiping around in circles casting a feather like shadow against the fabric with vibrant rainbow like stripes.  Just before coming to rest, staying just in side the circle of three very different lizards.

Art

The art work on Ms. A's page reminds me of Mexico.  The bright vibrant colors bring many memories of trips to Mexico.  When I look at the art work I wonder if the fat yellow one ate the colorful striped ones lunch.  Maybe the Yellow one is older and is lazy.  To me the green lizard looks a little frightened, realizing he might be whats for  lunch.  The blue feather falling from the sky tells me that a hungry bird is going to have lizards for lunch.  I also look at the art work as a western top with lizard pendant.  Not really my forte though the detail in the lizards are appreciated.  I appreciate all  art even if its not my taste.

Green

Green is my favorite color.  I like it in all of it's different hues.  The grass green is a happy feeling for me, it makes me think of things like summer and money.  Bright green makes me feel energetic, young and calm.  Dark greens Put me in the holiday spirit with the feeling of warm fuzzes.  Even the antic greens like avocado brings be fond child hood memories, with thoughts of retro kitchens and Velvet couches.  I do have quite a bit of green in my house, though it is not overwhelming.  Just a splash of it here and there, enough to brighten up a boring room with a little color.  When I walk in my house, my green things welcome me home and make my boring house a tad bit more interesting.  Green is my happy color.

Observatations

I can see how it all links together like a chain.  The weekend flowed to the place the place flowed to the the people in the the weekend.  As the writing shifts around from subject to subject it is still generally the same idea surrounded by my favorite things.  Braided together, three different stories into one.

My Favorite Person

It would be impossible for me to have a perfect weekend at my favorite place without my favorite person.  Friday nights I usually stay at my parents house so I can spend my Saturdays doing homework.  Saturday morning around five A.  M.  Shortly after my son wakes up and I get the coffee brewed, my mother comes into the kitchen where I sit attempting to multitask feeding a one year old breakfast, homework and burning my tong while sipping coffee.  My mother walks in the kitchen, beaming with life.  Gracefully she takes over my hectic ways and amazingly she also helps me with my homework while juggling all of my balls plus hers.  I don't know how she does it, she must be super human.  I envy her knowledge and her magical ways.  I could never have the perfect weekend at my perfect place with out my perfect person.     

Perfect Places

When I think of the perfect place to spend a perfect weekend, I think of my parents house.  Filled with fond memories of holidays, and casual gatherings.  It is the only place I can go and truly feel at home.  It is also the only place I can go on the weekends and do my home work and not feel guiltily for not spending every waking moment with my kids.  I also believe it is the only place I can go and have complete and utter piece of mind.  In the middle of nowhere sits a house on a hill surrounded by beautiful green grass as far as the eye can see.  In the distance rows of hay bails are neatly lined so precisely you can still see the lines from the tractor rake.  It reminds me of how carpet looks after you vacuum it.  The land is topped with streams, ponds, and hundred's of trees.  Horses, cows, and at the right time of day dozens of deer graze the neatly manicured fields as they too seem to enjoy the land as much as I do.   There is always something to do, weather it be cleaning, cooking, yard work, tending to the farm, or even just napping in a hammock.  To me, the sight of the house on the hill is serenity.  It is the light I see on a Monday morning.  It is my home away from home and I love it, to me "there is no place like home."

Perfect Weekend

When I think of the perfect weekend, I think of my homework being not only completed but also understood thus, allowing me to enjoy the weekend with a clear mind.  Unclouded with thoughts of fractions, passwords, blogs, and drafts.  Seeing my children run and play out side, hearing laughter, discovering new pieces of earth during exploring.  I close my eyes as the warm sun touches my skin smiling because I am happy knowing this is my life.  It really doest matter where I am at, just as long as we are together.  If we can get through one afternoon without anyone bleeding, crying and fighting I will have had the perfect weekend.

Inconsiderate People

I am a pretty out spoken person.  I have recently been pissed off by an inconsiderate person who lives her life in a bubble of selfishness and shallowness.  She is also delicate like thin cheep glass, and is easily hurt.  So my problem is that I really want to tell her how I feel.  But I am terrified that it will scar her for life.  I am trying to give it some time so I can cool off a bit.  I want to be and adult about it, in the same breath I want her to know that I am not going to let her treat me like she treats other people.  I want to be taste full but I am not going to lie I am pretty angry with her.

Monday All Day

Monday 5 A.M.  I wake to a crying baby, struggling all morning to address his upset manner, I walk on eggshells around the crabby ten year old who is an absolute pill in the mornings.  I make pancakes to sweeten the deal.  7 A.M.  I drop off the kids and call the doctor to schedule to see my son.  By 8 A.M.  I e-mailed my instructors letting them know I was not going to be in class due to my son's doctors appointment.  I wonder if I will make it to work on time by 11?  Ugh, it feels like Monday.

Don't waste your time living someone else's life

Don’t waste your time living someone else’s life.  Only recently have I realized that I had been living someone else’s life.  For some reason I thought this black night was going to ride swiftly into my life on his white horse and rescue me from my shitty job and by struggle of living pay check to pay check.  Did I mention the night was handsome, and completely infatuated with me?  I digress.   Not only is this living someone else’s life but it is unrealistic and selfish.  What in the hell was I thinking?  Why in the hell would I want to live someone else’s life?  I look back and see that though I have made many bad choices and wasted a lot of time, it is the bad choices and wasted time that has made me who I am.  Who am I?  I am a mother, I am strong, I am independent, and I am smart.  I am these things because I have made a choice.  I have chose to go to school.  The best decision I have ever made.  

Vent

the specifics are not important, only the point.  when I am somewhere and trying to concentrate and there is a person who is supposed to be there to help, yet the only thing they seem to do for me is to make me want to look at them and simply state; really!?  everything he does is obnoxious, every key he types, he hits the button so hard with one finger I could swear hes killing bugs.  Turning over papers sounds like hes trying to express to everyone in the building his annoyance on whatever it is he doing.  Even clicking the mouse loudly.  Click, click, click!!!  I want to use the Cord to wrap around his hands to help subside the noise level in the room.  OK I'm done.

S L O W D O W N

Sometimes life is so hectic for me that I have to actually stop and put everything on hold, just to realize how I am feeling.

blank

My daughter has pushed me to my limit of patience.  I have had it with her attitude.  I do everything for her, and I feel like in doing so I have created a monster.  I just want to strip her of all of her gadgets, bells and whistles and show her how a lot of kids really live life.  Generally she is very sweet, but lately she has been rude, inconsiderate, and quite frankly a pain in the ass.  I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because I have a son who just turned a year old.  I don't want her to feel left out or like she needs to act up to get attention.  Yet I feel as if there is nothing more I can do to make things anymore pleasant for her.  She has really pushed me over the edge.  I am to the point where I need to spend time away from her because she is driving me nuts.  I love her more than life it's self, I just want her to be the sweet little girl I know she is, and stop making life so hard on both of us.  I feel lost.

Three Thousand Dollars

Three thousand dollars does not go very far.  So if I had three thousand dollars handed to me I would disperse it evenly between myself and my two children.  Saving it seprately for each of us.  Though it is not much as a whole and even less when sepperated, when saved it can add to alot.  I dont know that I would be able to save all of mine and would probably end up spending it on my kids for a weekend of fun.  And pay a little on bills.

I believe...

Money does not define me as a person.

This I believe

This I Believe................
I believe that family comes first
I believe that I am a mess
I believe that I have the best mom in the world
I believe that my kids are the cutest kids in the world
I believe I need a secretary
I believe there is not enough time in one day
I believe I am blessed
I believe in God
I believe in never surrender
I believe John Hughs films
I believe I eat too much junk food
I believe good friends are hard to find
I believe I am misunderstood
I believe I will succeed
I believe I need more time to work out

What's in the way?

Today is in the way.  Not that I am not thankful for today, it's just in the way.  What I need to do is in the way of what I want to do.  What I want to do is have the day to get caught up.  Caught up with homework, laundry, house cleaning in general, as well as myself maintenance.  To have time to put on a little make up and do my hair, or even brush it for that matter.  Today is in the way, and tonight I will be to exhausted to play catch up.  I will have used up all of my energy in the a.m. and through the day.  I am thankful for today it's just in the way.

Resolution is just accepting the fact that this is life.  Accept it.

New Habit

My list of habits consist of routine mornings, class, work, kids, and quality time with my family on the weekends.  If I had to chose a habit good or bad.  I would have to say it would be.....my newest habit.  On any weekday around seven-thirty a.m.  I can be found in the tutoring lab.  I have become addicted to the lab.  It is full of help full people and interesting new ways to learn.  I will admit that it is a assignment in a class for me to do sixteen hours in the lab.  But in doing so I have found a new habit that I am happy to over indulge in.

Good vs Bad

Sometimes I feel as if I am just going through the motions.  I have changed so much from just a few years ago.  I feel as if my current habits will in turn lead me to success.  Though my habits a few years ago, would have most certainly lead me in the opposite direction.  The first changes began very soon after my move back from St. Louis.  I quit smoking, not because I wanted to kick the nasty habit, but because I was pregnant.  Though after having my son.  I never picked the habit back up like I had regretfully done with my daughter.  Now I am a full blown quitter.  I hate cigarettes, and am ashamed of myself for ever doing it.  The second story of my new success is going to school.  I love it.  It is my new healthy habit.  I wish I could go to school full time.  Being a single mom, with two kids, quitting my job is not an option for me.  I like my job.  They are good to me, I just like school more.  I love my new found habit.

Fail

I admit that I have failed to comply with blogging everyday.  I do blog, yet I do not post, because I am either not done or get interrupted.  Either way I will keep trying.

I am a mess

I have proof that I am a mess.  For example, yesterday I was meeting my mom at the store to do some grocery shopping.  I had just talked to her so I knew we would be arriving at the same time.  It is a ritual that we park in the back of the parking lot to try to avoid door dings.  So I began scanning the back of the lot for her maroon car.  As I spotted her car I made a b-line for that side of the lot.  I acknowledged her blond hair from a mile away.  I swoop my car in right next to hers and got out and rounded the back of the car when I noticed that she was putting on a very cute jacket that I had never seen her ware before.  With my back to her I began to unload the kids while simultaneously calling her a hussy for hiding her cute jacket from me.  When I turned around to see her face, I was shocked when I made eye contact with a complete stranger who I have now called a hussy.  Wow! I AM A MESS!

Hot Dog

Today OTC has free food!  I am so excited about free food because a.  free is good, b.  I am hungry and c. the sun is out and it is a good day to be outside!  I have Friday fever so bad I cannot wait for it to be three o'clock so I can pick up the kids and start my weekend.  What better way to do that than to start the day with free hot dogs?  Hot diggity dog its gonna be a good day! 

TGIF

I am so glad it is Friday.  It has been a long week going about as fast as frozen molasses.  I am hoping to take the kids to some fall festivals this weekend.  I am also getting a craving for some Silver Dollar City.

Virgin

This is my first blog.  I'm not really sure what to think of the whole blogging thing, but I am sure I will find out soon enough.  So far it seems similar to myspace and facebook.  No?

Harder Than I Thought

So I did blog yesterday, though I did not post it.  I have ten drafts that I need to finish and post.  This blogging everyday is harder than I thought.  I am trying to get a everyday blogging schedule, sadly I have failed to get there yet. 

Audio Book Reflection

So my first audio book was a success.  I am officially hooked on audio books.  Down Came the rain by Brook Shields, I am so happy that I started with this book in particular because there were many specifics that I could relate to.  I have a new respect for Brook as an actress and a person after enjoying her book.

Gone Blogging

I just go done picking a new background for my blog page. I think it is starting to look more like me.  I hate to admit it, but I think I am actually starting to like this blogging thing. The next step is to find more fun things to do with my blog, and to start blogging every day.  If I am going to do this I have to make it my own.  This way I can look at is as fun and not homework :  )

Self indulge

I would love to be more self indulgent.  To go get a pedicure or a manicure would be so relaxing.  Right now my Manicures consist of biting off hangnails or filing between stop lights.  My pedicures are even worse.  My toe nail polish consists of my daughters purple nail polish topped with glitter, which she chose.  Sad but true, the last time I took time to self indulged was almost exactly a year ago.  Come to think of it,  maybe I should take some time out for a little much needed TLC me time. 

Substitute

Yesterday I had a substitute teacher in my English class.  Just so happens it was my instructors husband.  Come to find out I had a lot in common with him.  He stressed to take every opportunity to learn.  I love to read for fun, but I just don't have any spare time to do so.  In the past I thought about getting some of those books on CD to listen to in my car, though I only got the thinking part done.  At one point during the class he said not to listen to the radio when driving in your car, but to get audio books.  Again stating; take every opportunity to learn.  I always felt like I was wasting time driving in my car, especially sitting in traffic.  So this morning I took his advice and went to the library and got my first audio book.  Feeling a little ashamed of the fact that I am absolutely ecstatic about getting in my car to listen to my new book.

Specifics

.I believe that disliking theoretical information can be a setback for me as a student. Being in college I have found that what seems to have no relevance at all, can really be a key to the learning process, which in turn can initially have a positive effect on my future years as a writer and a student. I have already used some of my information from my English course that I took this summer to help me with my current English course (shout out to ms. Tucker) to help me to be successful

Reflection

Reflecting on the Jung Typology test.  I 100% agree with everything that the test said about my personality. Stating I am a Extrovert Sensing Feeling Judging.  Everything I read seemed to be accurate as far as how I operate and why I do the things I do.  I am out going, outspoken, fun and easy to get along with.  My job requires me to sometimes be a little on the bossy side so I have no troubles in this area, being in charge comes natural to me.  I am a very emotional and sensitive person, so when i read that I am easily wounded it just made since to me.  I am very much a family person, I love everyone getting together for celebrating holidays.  To me family is what life is all about.   I always have to weigh out my options when making a decision and usually end up calling my mom to make sure I am doing the right thing before I act.  In a nut shell I think that the test was spot on, and couldn't have been more precise.